This past Sunday was the awesome Gravel Grinder not-a-race up in Waterbury, Vermont. 125 brave/delusional folks showed up to ride in not exactly clement weather conditions through the hills surrounding the small town which reeks — perhaps “reeks” is too strong a word — which smells nicely of coffee due to Green Mountain Coffee Roasters headquarters being situated there . I believe the break down was something like 3,000 feet of climbing in 26 miles. Not a joke, especially if you’re as fat and out of shape as I am. Although the bike of choice was a Cross-Bike or large-tired road bike, I opted to ride the Superfly with the crazy XX for several reasons. 1.) I was riding off-road on Saturday before the race, the conditions were crappy (like snowy above 1500 feet crappy) and I only wanted to have to clean one bike. I guess that would make reason number one laziness. 2.) This was a not-a-race, just a charity ride benefiting the local trail system. George Wisell owner of Five Hills Bikes and Bike 29 organized the whole deal, so I wasn’t worried about going fast…just feeling like I was going fast and hurting. Hurting is good. So reason number two would be a defeatist attitude and apathy. 3.) I wanted to ride the bike I wanted to ride, regardless of how inefficient it might be for the task. On my Superfly I’d be comfortable and look good while I was doing it. Well, the bike would look good…which might actually make me look less-good in contrast. So reason number three would be that I’m terribly vain and a total candy ass.
Despite the pretty imminent threat of rain, and temperatures just out of the thirties,
all these people showed up to ride their bikes. Mental…totally mental.
At risk of lapsing into a race-type-report, I will say that I managed to hang onto the front group until just before the first aid station, then I realized that there was no way in hell that I was going to be able to fake it for another twenty miles. Vermonters ride up hill fast…even while they’re chit-chatting. Great, I went and did it, now I’m like that guy that came into the bike shop I used to work at and said, “Not to blow my own horn or anything, but I’ve finished top five in the Pan Mass Race three times.” My co-worker, who I will call “Matt” replied, “Pan Mass, isn’t that a charity ride?” “Ya…ya it is, I’m just sayin’, I finished top five, I’m just sayin’ is all.”
Another reason not to turn myself inside out was the fact that the speedy dudes didn’t stop at the aid station, even when George beckoned us with the call “I’ve got BEER.” Ya it was just past ten in the morning, but it was Sunday. The PBR I drank sat quite well I have to say. Although I did have to stop to pee three times afterward. One natural break happened right after I had thrown down a vicious not-an-attack on HUP rider Justin Cox. I opened up a HUGE gap, only to watch it get eaten up as I stood by the roadside relieving myself. (Justin if you’re reading this, I’m kidding…I attacked so I could pee and not get dropped and left in the wind by myself.)
There were brownies at the aid station. Which reminds me…there are brownies in my pantry, I’ll be right back.
There, that’s better. I have no idea why I have such a hard time going up hill right now. It’s a mystery…a delicious mystery.
The not-a-race ended in the best way possible, I followed the group of guys I’d been riding with most of the day (a guy named George on a Moots, a fast little kid and Justin Cox) through a path next to a golf course, I had no idea where I was, what time it was, or how long we had left to ride. I thought we had at least one more massive-horrible climb left, but no, we rolled into to town and I saw the parking lot — Bonus! Then I’m standing next to a guy going “Man, I smell coffee, I gotta get myself some coffee.” And he says “Dude, there’s a Keurig machine right inside the door of the building, you can get any flavor you want and it’s FREE.” Oh, double bonus! Holding your race in the parking lot of Green Mountain Coffee Roasters headquarters has its advantages.
And if that wasn’t enough (personally I could subsist on nothing but coffee for weeks), there was abundant post-race chow provided by Frida’s. If you’re ever in Waterbury Vermont and you’re thinking “Where the hell can I get some crazy-good authentic Mexican food?” Don’t abandon all hope, go to Frida’s.
And that’s the Gravel Grinder. A great way for mountain bikers to get out and do something hard that’s sort of like a race without trashing fragile trails during the mud season. Brilliant if you ask me.
For more photos, check out George’s blog.
